Drops

When one finally slows down he remembers what it is to be lonely, no love for life, no love for the night. Just him, one and only. The rain is anything but what it use to be. soothing, reassuring, comfort in knowing he could hold his one and only. Now it's gloomy and lonely a reminder of what he doesn't have. A reminder to never slow down again. To keep pushing so the memories can't be remembered. Truth is he rather keep going faster and harder then think about them, her and what it's like without them, her.


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Hazel

Her presence brings energy,bursting and bright, her beauty is more than exterior, you wouldn't believe it at first sight,she will deny it till the day she dies, too humble for her own good, she owns her unbelievable eyes they pierce the darkness and show where true love lies. It's more than attraction because she draws you in with her laughter .her smile that curls at the ends,her talents all of which she is a master, shes caring sometimes too much it seems,but that's what makes her her and keeps her in my dreams. Untouchable, unobtainable, forever it seems.

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Anxiety

It's the crawling the scheming all the self deceiving to get by through the night when I'm alone heavily breathing. It's clutching to the pipe and sucking in the smoke to get the tingly feeling. holding the bottle titled back full throttle till the vision blurs the words slur and my legs are turned to putty. It's wallowing in sorrow with powder on my face nostrils dripping blood head pounding from base. It's that feeling of weakness when you have no power it's the barrel to the head as the cries get louder it's the click of the trigger with no loud boom it's the realization your pathetic but not knowing how to get out of the room. The tingling in the chest like an electrocuted shock, the indigestion and the shallow breaths that follow. The insomnia that deprives the sleep makes you face droop and eyes look hollow. Denial denial denial that it's all fucked up. No acceptance no penance because you've done to much, not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel because you convinced your fucked. It's not going to your friends because you think they don't like you. It's the thought the actions like these that always bite through. You will wind up lonely dead and unloved because you hold it all in for fear of not being good enough.


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Sad truth

I know it's wrong to believe the impossible.
But a small glimmer of hope helps keeps it plausible.
Even if one doesn't deserve the love of another.
One can still hope and dream to be their lover.
What one would give to hold her again.
Everything, anything, but not till he is a new man.
That will take time.
Too much perhaps.
She will be gone with the one she deserves.
While he picks and choose from all the pretty women with curves.
Each wonderful and amazing but they will never be her.
But he will pretend for the night.
Even though it's not what he would prefer.



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Notes

It always happens,the moods hit, the emotions come like a blitzkrieg and there is nothing that can stop them. The layers, they rip away each layer of sanity that keeps the mind whole. It's takes time for them to come back, or at least it use to. Now they don't come back anymore.this must be accepted and it must be understood, but this takes time, time the individual does not have. The alternative; find a block a middle create a stalemate where nothing deteriorates and nothing grows. This is the way, the only way. The time will come where this won't be necessary but it will take awhile before that day comes.until then, fight on the plateau.

Bust

I'm just a gambler, gambling my life away on unsure bets most of witch don't pay, black jack with a bottle and I always play to bust,hold em with pills, high cards never good enough, I put my soul into the slot machine but it never pays up, no not for me. Roulette with my heart always going for red, but even if I rig the table, it's black instead. So I roll the dice with love and life but even if I get seven it still doesn't feel right, I'll find my way out this casino one day, if it's not by my will it will be in a bag,tilting the odds my way.


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