changes

I work two jobs pretty close to all day and most of the night and  i still manage to have some sort of a social life. How do i pull this off might you ask? Im not sure myself but as im sitting here on the graveyard shift, vision blurred, eyes heavy, feeling like shit. I can tell you however i manage to do it...its worth it.

i bust my ass all day and go and party all night, I rarely sleep, im an insomniac by choice, i have my issues with having down time, being alone, missing out , but i get by and do what i feel i need to do. i will continue doing it till it becomes too much and even then ill push is a bit farther because i know i can. i havent always been like this over the past 3 months my life has changed drastically, i went from a long term relationship to a woman i love more than anything to single over night, i lost friends that ment alot to me and one that was a sister to me. I went from being a volunteer prevention educator to a paid prevention education specialist at my counties only rape crisis center. With that i went from working one full time job to working a full time job and a part time job, one i work during the day and the other i work in the evening through most of the night. Its tough it really is, but i have to keep doing it.

My job as a prevention educator is tough, i go in and talk to kids about sexual violence (rape,incest,sexual hrassment, sexual battery, molestation, etc) and consent. There are definately days where its cake, go in and talk to the kids about all that and get out and be done. Then there are those days where its rough and it takes alot out of you emotionally, those days i have to remind myself im doing something good no matter how hard it gets i cannot quit. I know i may not change the world with what i do but i know i may change someones life in a positive way and thats all that matters. I dont do it for praise.  I dont do it for people to apreciate me. I do it because not alot of other people will, especially men. Dont thank me just listen take it in and use what i have to say to help yourself or someone else. My job as a hotel clerk...i wont get into that because there is not much to talk about, i check people in/out make reservations and make sure guests are happy, end game.

Within the past 7 months i have met and obtained a whole plethora of new friends and have met some of the most diverse and amazing people ever. they have changed my view on life they have helped me, wether they know it or not, through a very awkard and rough part of my life. Mainly the women i have met have been most influencial. i feel i lost my sister a few months ago and gained 3 great friends that took her place. without them i dont think i would be able to continue pushing and going on the way i do. These women are the loves of my life, this includes my best friend (ex girlfriend) who has always been there for me and even though we have sort of lost touch and rarely speak to each i still love her and always will. All these woman i owe the world to and they deserve every last piece of it, they are amazing at what they do and how they go about it, each unique each loving in their own way and all of them care for me unconditionally, what else could anyone ask for? 

My life,everyones life, is always in a constant change we as humans are always growing always changing our ideals beleifs and actions, our careers, lovers, clothes, hair, whatever and thats ok it about growing up,even as an adult you still have infinite amount of growing up to do till the day you die, and then all that matters at the point are the memories you leave behind to those that love you. so keep them positive have people remember you as a good person or doing something good in your life at some point. thats what i strive for, i do everything i do so when im dead my memory will outlive my physical being.

p.s. I apologize if this is scattered and confusing sleep deprevity can do that to a fella.